Day 25

I can't believe Elana is almost a month old! Time has flown by but yet it seems to crawl. She is still in the NICU, still in the incubator, but is 3#12oz now and off IVs. She is only hooked up to the monitor and still getting feeds through her NG tube. Hoping to start the bottle soon with her.
Last week they were concerned with her digestive system so they stopped her feeds and put her on the IVs. I was so discouraged cause we were taking steps backward. They mentioned that Elana may have Hurschsprung's disease. Hurschsprungs is more common in kids with DS and it's were nerve endings are missing so she cannot stool properly. To fix it she would would have to have a colostomy bag for a period of time. I got on my knees and prayed for Elana's health. I can deal with Down Syndrome but I just can't deal with a colostomy. I knew God is in control and I had a good feeling that she was gonna be ok and if she did have it, God would give me the strength to "deal" with it. They did a biopsy and Praise God, the results were negative.
The process of her getting bigger is sooo SLOW. God is teaching me patience big time! Because she is a premee and so tiny the only way I get to hold her is with Kangaroo care "skin to skin". I love our kangaroo time. It is such an awesome bonding time that I would not have gotten if she were bigger. God knows the things I need! The verse "Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10 keeps coming to my mind when I get discouraged with the slow process. Emma had her baby doll up her shirt yesturday and said to meme "SHHH I'm doing Kangaroo care with my baby". LOL so sweet.
We are so very impatient to get her home.

She's here!

I knew she was coming soon but didn't know she would be here already. Elana's birthmom called me the morning of April 23rd and told me that Elana was coming today by emergency c-section. "Could this be true? Am I really gonna meet my daughter today? But I'm not ready. I thought I had 7 more weeks to get ready." So many things going through my mind. Praying that she will be okay cause she will be premature. So we packed all the kids, and ourselves in a hurry, dropped them off to 2 different places and off we go on our 3 hour drive to go see our baby! Running on pure adrenaline.

That was the longest 3hr drive of my life. Worried the whole way there, Worried about the babies health, about meeting the birth parents, about the whole adoption process, where we were going to stay, how the other kids would react to her, and how long will I have to be away from the family. And then I received a text...a picture of our baby girl. 2lbs 12ozs and breathing on her own! God told me "Krista, don't worry. I've got her!" I felt a peace come over me.

We finally arrived to the hospital and went straight to see our baby girl. There she was laying there so perfect and so very tiny. I've never seen a baby so tiny and yet breathing on her own. Wow! Such a little miracle! God is so good. How is it possible that this tiny human can survive outside the womb with minimal medical intervention?

The next 10 days I stayed with Elana 3 hours away while Josh returned to give the other 4 kids some normalcy. I woke up early, stayed by Elana's side until late, only leaving for lunch and supper, everyday. I was able to hold her, stare at her, kiss her and my favorite was our kangaroo care(skin to skin)time. To feel her every move, every breath, every beat of her heart was such an amazing bonding time.

I didn't know if it would be possible to love a child who did not come from my own body as much as I do my biological children. But it is! I love her so much. I love her as if she did come from me. She may not have grown in my belly but she sure has grown in my heart!

And so our long journey begins in the NICU...

inner struggle

I'm gonna take a break from posting about adoption today and talk about something I've been struggling with this past month.

I've been struggling with the idea of exercising. I know this sounds crazy but the only reason why I would choose to work out would be to loose weight and to look good for others. Seriously I could care less that it is healthy for you (at my size, maybe if I was bigger I'd worry about health). Most women work out to look good. But yet here I am telling my daughters that it doesn't matter what you look like, you are beautiful. So isn't it hypocritical of me? If image doesn't matter then why am I trying so hard to loose weight?

Puzzle picture

Here is a picture that we are using for the puzzle.

Elana Trinity Carson

Got an e-mail from Elana's birth mom. She had an ultrasound last week and Elana is 2 lbs. Dr. was concerned because baby is extremely small. She will follow up again in 2 weeks and then another ultrasound in 4 weeks. There may be a possibility that they would want to deliver early if they feel the placenta is not dong its job. Nothing for sure yet but they wanted her to know it was a possibility. She has an Echo in 2 weeks and they didn't mention anything about her heart at the Ultrasound so hopefully that is good news. Can't wait to see the ultrasound pictures

We decided to let the birth parents pick Elana's middle name because I know they love her too and I wanted them to feel apart of the name picking too. The picked Trinity for her middle name.

Talked with our social worker the other day cause I was so concerned that we would not get everything completed in time. Well we have the Home study next week and it will only be 2 visits and we have traing May 13-14th only 10hrs and not 32 like I had thought previously so things are working out. We have raised around $2,000 so far. We applied for a grant over the weekend so hopefully that will come through for us.

Lord, teach me to be patient w/life, w/people & w/myself. I sometimes try to hurry things along too much, & I push for answers before the time is right. Teach me to trust Your sense of timing rather than my own & to surrender my will to Your greater & wiser plan. Help me let life unfold slowly and let me wait for all to unfold in its ...own time. Teach me to slow down enough to appreciate life & all it holds."
Amen.

getting there

By adopting a child and helping them reach their potential, they help us reach ours. An adopted child is not an unwanted child; to the contrary. They are a child who was searched for, prayed for, cried for, begged for; received by arms that ached, making empty hearts full. Love is meant to be shared." Author unknown

Elana we are fighting for you!

We got the fire inspection completed, finger printing, almost all of our paper work done, Home study scheduled for April 5th, Trainings scheduled for May 13-14th (babysitters set up) all we need is the money. Applied for grants today and praying they will come through for us.

Emma (5yrs) keeps asking me when Elana is gonna come out of her mommy's belly =) They are so excited and so are we. We bought the 3 girls matching dresses today!

Worries

I am getting mentally and physically tired. This adoption is constantly on my mind. I feel like I eat, sleep and breath this adoption. There is SO much to do and so little time to do it in. I am trying to constantly find ways to raise this money.

We have 11 weeks left to raise $7,000, complete 32 hours of training, which is like every weekend in May (that will be fun trying to find babysitters), and complete a homestudy which I think those can take forever. I am so scared that we wont get this done in time and we wont be able to take Elana home with us. We have a fire Inspection tomorrow, and still need to get finger printed.

So now that all my fears and anxieties are out in the open I am saying Lord this is your burden. I am no longer going to take it or worry about it. You will provide for us. Elana will come home to us when the time is perfect.

World Down Syndrome day!

Happy World Down Syndrome Day! I love you Brianna, Ella, Elana, Alissa, and Noah (team B.E.E.A.N.)!!!!!

God is providing

God is so good, He's so good to us! We received 3 donations this weekend that totally blew us away. They equalled $1500. Which brings our total to $1650 raised so far. We were beyond excited and were able to send in half of our homestudy money so that we can get that started. God WILL provide if we just trust in him. I cannot wait for the day that I get to testify what my God has done for us! And I cant wait to see how many lives He will touch through our story and through Elana's life.

I have a FB friend who gave me a great idea to fundraise $ and to also have a great memory of our adoption journey. We are going to make Elana's Ultrasound picture into a puzzle. Sell each puzzle piece for $10 and write that persons name on the back of the piece. When we sell every piece we will put the puzzle together and frame it. What a great memory! I will begin work on that tomorrow.

The date of MARCH 21ST was selected by Down Syndrome International (DSI) to signify the uniqueness of Down syndrome because if you have Down syndrome, you have 3 number 21 chromosomes. The original idea was proposed by Stylianos E. Antonarakis, a medical geneticist of the University of Geneva Medical School. The first events were organized on 21 March 2006 in Geneva and the inaugural WDSD was launched on 21 March 2006 in Singapore, with events organized by the Down Syndrome Association.
And together, the world has celebrated "WORLD DOWN SYNDROME DAY on MARCH 21ST ever since. ;-)

adoption creed

Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone,
but still miraculously
my own;

Never forget
for a single minute
You didn't grow under my heart
but in it.

We Love you Elana and we will bring you home!

Please help us!

This is happening very soon and we have to raise this money by the beginning of June or eariler(if she arrives earlier)! Will you spare $5, $10 or more to help us bring Elana into our family.

faith is being tested

Today I can really feel a battle going on inside. Satan is feeding me lies and I am trying so hard not to believe them. It is so hard. Satan is telling me that I will not raise the money we need to bring home Elana and I will not be sucessful so don't even try. He is also telling me that my fundraising efforts are insignificant compared to those who are trying to bring home children from orphanages overseas. I am so frustrated that I even want to believe him.
Guess what Satan, You will not win! You will not defeat me. God is on my side and he's got my back. We will raise the money. Elana will join our family. I will get to hold, love and kiss on her in 3 months! TAKE THAT!

Elana Due June 6,11

Blessing in Disguise!

On Nov 20, 2008 my husband and I had our 4th child. I had a normal pregnancy and delivery. Our baby girl Ella, was having breathing difficulties soon after birth, so they took her out of the room to have a doctor check her. Several minutes later the doctor returned with the news, that our precious baby girl shows signs of Down Syndrome. A few days later it was confirmed with a blood test.At that moment our lives were turned "upside down". Everything we thought we knew about raising our 4th child was gone. I went through the grieving process like so many other parents do when they find out. Questioning God, "Why us Lord?" Little did I know about all the blessings, love, and life lessons that this beautiful baby girl was gonna teach me.Yes, God did turn my life "upside down" that November day. My faith is stronger, my compassion greater, and my life happier. My little Ella truly is "fearfully and wonderfully made".

Before having Ella, I never would have picked a having a child with special needs and the ironic thing is that hear we are choosing to add another little girl with Down Syndrome to our family. God works in mysterious ways! We have connected with a family in Ohio that found out their Daughter has DS and they are wanting to find a loving family to adopt her. They Chose us! We are so excited and blessed but yet so scared of the whole process. We need to raise around $9,000 before June to bring her home. $9,000 is a lot of money and it scares me but I have a big God. He would not allow this to happen, open many doors so easily if He wasn't gonna provide the money. This is where my faith and trust in him is going to be tested.

We will raise the money and bring her home!

this is a first

I have never blogged before so this is all new to me. We will see how this goes...hehe